You are still in your diapers, snooty nose, potty training, and you can barely hold your own milk bottle but I know sooner than later I know you will peal away from my arms in search of the bigger world, a world as mersmering as it is impulsive and dangerous.
Your teenage hormones will lead you into a whirlwind of emotions that are as exciting as they are frightening. Blood flow, adrenaline, your heart will beat fast, butterflies engulf you and your feet will barely touch the ground. You will loose yourself in infatuation. You will fall in love in the most natural way. It is precisely this time that I need you to be aware of of your emotions.
Son sometimes it lasts forever, sometimes it doesn’t and you may be deeply hurt. If you do, you will experience an unimaginable heart break, you will cry and crumble, these are all normal and natural feelings but whatever you do never act out of anger, never ever be violent physically or emotionally to anyone who falls out of love with you.
Never seek to hurt others. Never ever lay your hand on a girl or a woman, not ever. Never step into a fight, instead step out of it and walk away. Yes, your boys may laugh at you for walking away from a fight but I know that you will ultimately have the last laugh. An invitation to war is an invitation to peace, rise above it, be the bigger man. You come from something bigger than a street fight.
Just when you think you have recovered from a heart break, another different kind of hurt may come along, this time it could be a friendship fall out, a death, or a close friend who moves onto another school or country.
Son, please take time and think through your friendships, it is said that our friends are a mirror of ourselves, do not be afraid to ask yourself ‘who am I’ Don’t be afraid to evaluate your friendships, its perfectly fine to call it a day if we are no longer serving each other well. Do not linger in toxicity.
And when you gather your emotions I hope you will find love and peace in art, music and nature. Emotional intelligence is built from these very faculties, be curious about culture and travel. The world is yours to see, and we all make mistakes, but there is more to you that a London postcode. You come from a line of fine ancestors who will always your back.
So fly away, go and see Taj Mahal in India, drive the Highway 1 in California, spend a week on safari in the Serengeti or Mana Pools, break bread with Egyptian Bedouins. Be the generation that protects our planet. Travel ethically.
In a world so unkind to black boys, there is so much that is up against you but I want you to know that there are many things that you are in control of, not least your emotions. Be kind to yourself and others, and be deeply compassionate because when we give we are so much richer for it.
Love mommy
My book ‘Street Clinic’ is out in early 2025
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